40+ Newlywed in the House

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And just like that, I got married.  Again.  Two Sundays ago, on a gorgeous beach in Florida.  And yes, this is marriage number 3 for me.

And for those of you who recoil or sigh at that statement and shake your head at me, please don’t. Trust me, with parents who are still rockin’ it in their 52nd year of marriage, I know what that takes and I know that I did not find it and/or nurture it the first 2 times.  But that was not for lack of trying, hoping, investing, crying, stretching, and sadly, crumbling.  So, spare me the judgement and lend me an ear.

Know this – all of that history is all right with me.  I have absolutely no regrets about my first 2 marriages. None.  I have an immensely stronger sense of self and my personal needs and my abilities because of both marriages.  I know what I can give and when the giving has to stop.  Now, I know how I need to feel, how I deserve to be treated, and how incredibly important my personal space and independence is to my overall well-being.  Some women never learn these things or other personal pieces of information that appear in times of distress and personal struggle.  I believe that woman is missing out on not truly knowing the most important person with whom she should have a relationship – herself.  We are taught to be care givers; but we must remember to take care of ourselves, too.  I learned that one the good, old-fashioned, hard way.

Probably makes me sound selfish, huh?  Perhaps.  Does that make me flawed?  Of course.  Just because I felt I worked hard at the relationships and felt that I was doing the best thing(s) at the time does not mean my actions were appropriate/useful for either of these gentlemen.  I am certain they would say the same.  So, I failed in those relationships, too; is that a fun feeling?  Nope.  But, now, am I ok with my flaws, with my failings, with those pieces of this life puzzle?  You bet.  Did that acceptance and resilience take some time to achieve?  Absolutely.  Was that part of the big-struggle-life-picture worth it?  Yep.  Completely.

And even better?  I got lucky.  The handsome man you see in this picture here is ok with my history AND my flaws, too – my inglorious impatience, my most-of-the-time perfectionism, my stubborn streak (pot calling kettle black there, for the record), my need for quiet at times, my personal sadness over failing at babies of my own that still surfaces every once in a while, my other sadness at the loss of relationships with 2 of the 3 stepchildren I raised for 10+ years, my need for stress relieving exercise regularly, and my ridiculous love of chocolate – yep, the list could continue.  But now, because of where I have been, I can articulate those things for myself instead of hiding them.   And fortunately, he is capable of seeing them for himself.  What a great and wonderful connection.

(Heck, I figured I would be the dog lady – and honestly, I would have been ok with that, too.  But this is WAY better.)

So, I hope what you see in this picture is pure happiness, rising from my life background.  I am incredibly grateful – he brings me full joy, makes me laugh, listens when I need it, dances with me in the kitchen (yes!), supports my crazy ventures (yoga teacher training currently) and smacks me on the butt to make me smile.  And, to top it all off, he is going to make me a full-fledged momma.  That handsome Little Man in our arms?  I have known him now for almost 4 years; he already calls me Mom.  And soon, that will be the second, legally binding name I gain in 2016.

Every relationship is a chapter in life, and each chapter has at least one lesson.  So, here’s to number 3, with thanks and appreciation to numbers 1 and 2 for helping me learn lessons and grow into this life and love of mine.

And, thanks for listening.

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10 Responses to 40+ Newlywed in the House

  1. Ashley July 7, 2016 at 11:22 am #

    Congratulations on your recent marriage! And, thank you for sharing your story. Loved your honesty and perspective.

    • Catherine Daniel July 7, 2016 at 11:33 am #

      Thank you, Ashley, for your kind words. I appreciate it!

  2. Santita July 7, 2016 at 12:53 pm #

    Catherine,
    Congratulations…..
    Not only on getting married but also to the abduction of a very handsome boy. And a big round of applause to your first blog…..

  3. Annie
    Annie July 7, 2016 at 1:27 pm #

    Wishing you all the best, newlyweds! I’m excited to hear more from you on the blog about becoming a stepmom…TRULY the hardest job in the world!

    • Catherine Daniel July 7, 2016 at 3:55 pm #

      Thank you! Actually, I was a stepmom to 3 in my last marriage – and a true stepmom because their mother was actively involved in their lives. This time, he is just my little man. For her own reasons, which I actively try to not judge, his birth mother has opted to not be involved in his life. Her willingness to let me adopt him and not interrupt our lives is a gracious gift, no doubt. His father gets all the credit for him up until 7+.

  4. Jennifer
    Jennifer July 7, 2016 at 2:08 pm #

    Congratulations on this new adventure in your life! I wish you all the best on this part of your journey – you’re going to ROCK it!

    • Catherine Daniel July 7, 2016 at 3:56 pm #

      I appreciate your positive words! We are truly enjoying it and it is certainly a different world!

  5. Julie C. July 7, 2016 at 10:22 pm #

    Excellent description of a life truly filled with introspection and growth. It’s nice not to hear of a marriage that didn’t last as “wasted time” because we truly learn so much about ourselves and what is important. What a great perspective. That young man will be truly enriched by such a wonderful mom in his life. He’ll learn love and respect and trust – true cornerstones to becoming a worthy person.

  6. Meg July 11, 2016 at 3:04 pm #

    So happy for you! Beautiful writing on a beautiful life. Best wishes!!!

  7. Emily
    Emily July 12, 2016 at 10:45 am #

    “Know this – all of that history is all right with me. I have absolutely no regrets about my first 2 marriages. None. I have an immensely stronger sense of self and my personal needs and my abilities because of both marriages. ”

    ^^ YES!

    I got married and divorced very young… and in quick succession 😉 I could never say that I regret it, because it made me a better, stronger person 1000 times over. I learned what mattered to me, what I could let go, and what I’d absolutely never put up with again. It certainly didn’t feel like the most graceful way to learn those lessons. I wouldn’t exactly recommend it to anyone. But I wouldn’t take it back, either!