Feeling … less than

Allow me to introduce you to some amazing women who may not be in my immediate circle, but are all housed in my life’s concentric ones. Meaning, I personally know and have spent time with every one of these ladies at some point in my journey. Prepare to understand how I can feel…well…less than. Significantly.  

  • Multiple doctors covering dermatology, OB/GYN, heme-oncology, pediatrics, family medicine
  • Lawyer who manages and defends Motorola’s IT jurisdiction/prowess
  • Physical therapist scheduled to appear on Golf Channel with her latest rehab invention for golfers
  • Art conservationist who is sought out for her skillset that previously employed her at the Met in NYC
  • Lawyer and Democratic spokesperson who regularly appears on cable networks
  • Leadership position at the global health institution of a major university
  • Life coach with booming counseling business consistently quoted by CNN, Forbes, etc
  • Biomechanical engineer running a company that creates and provides prosthetics in 3rd world countries
  • Highest level of HR management for the entire western region of Home Depot
  • Composer whose works consistently appear on Broadway and overseas 
  • School teachers who guide and lead the babies we are raising to develop in ways we as mommas can’t

Where do I even start?  Wow, right?  And this is a small sampling from my “Rolodex of life”. 

Obviously, I have walked in circles of very, very smart women (#understatementoftheyear). And while I love watching these ladies achieve goals and jobs and recognition solely on their own strengths and merits and hard work, I very often move quickly into self-deprecation. What did I do wrong?  How did I get here and not, maybe, there? Or, there?  Am I just lazy?  Worthless?  Not as smart as I thought at times in my life? Or did I set the bar too high?

And while I logically know that is ridiculous and stupid and inappropriate for a well-educated, hard-working 40+-year-old woman to do…frankly, it is reality.  I emotionally know that I can feel like I am very much LESS THAN and that my life is very much…behind this curve.  

But, who made the dang curve anyway? Why is it even prevalent in my mentality? How can I belittle myself and my own achievements? Is it simply because they don’t seem to be as cool or publicly impressive? I do mourn the fact that I never “found” that thing, that job or career that fit like a glove and that I truly enjoyed. But, hey, life goes on, bills keep coming and boom, here I am – gainfully employed. 

So what does a momma-woman do? For me, I have learned to allow those moments and thoughts to happen. Then, I take a deep breath and remind myself that I have a great and solid job, I work with some wonderful people, I provide for my family, I get to see my parents often, and I don’t have to drive in Atlanta traffic. Besides, I am dang good at my job – just like I was at all my other ones. 

But, the less than gremlin always returns at some point, unfortunately. Friends, I will take any suggestions for managing that booger because he can really be an energy drain.  (Momma really doesn’t have time for that.)

And, hey, who knows? Maybe my random work life wanderings make me vaguely interesting in someone else’s Rolodex of life.

 

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