I have two children, a girl, and a boy. My daughter is 8 and my son is 1. I know, I know – HUGE age gap, right?! I didn’t plan for them to be that far apart. In fact, neither of my children were planned at all, haha.
When I first found out I was pregnant with my son, I worried…a lot. My daughter had been an only child for nearly 7 years. I was nervous about how she would adjust. Not only that, but I was concerned for the relationship they would share…or if they would share one at all. It didn’t help that so many people were telling me how crazy I was for having children so far apart.
“You were almost done! Why would you have another?!”
or my all-time favorite…
“You know they’ll be too far apart in age to have a real bond right?”
These were just some of the comments I heard on a regular basis. First of all, I didn’t know there was an unspoken time when having another child was looked down upon. Second, what is a real bond? Third, didn’t anyone teach these people not to comment on a woman’s pregnancy! *insert eye rolling emoji here*
While I agree that having kids far apart isn’t a walk in the park (I mean seriously, are kids at any age a walk in the park) it’s not the worst thing in the world either. In fact, the bond my children share is absolutely beautiful even with the 7-year age gap! Here are 7 reasons (one for each year just in case you need extra validation) having children far apart in age can actually be a good thing!
Older siblings are like 2nd parents. From the moment we told my daughter she would be a big sister, she was nothing but loving, supportive, and protective. She would talk to and kiss my belly every day when I was pregnant. When guests came to visit after he was born she made sure everyone washed their hands before they held him (she took that job very, very seriously). A year later and she still genuinely wants to help! She loves to get him out of his crib on Saturday mornings, pack his diaper bag, and even as I type this she is singing, Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star to him. It’s almost like having an extra mommy around the house. She even cried when he got his first shots! If that’s not love, I don’t know what is.
Backseat Assistant. I know this is kind of piggybacking off of the first reason, but let me just tell you how A-M-A-Z-I-N-G it is to have someone help out during car rides. My daughter can hand her brother snacks, toys, and his paci so that I don’t have to pull over on the side of the road or lose my mind driving with a crying baby. Not only that, but they keep each other entertained. Seriously, how does one even survive without someone back there to help?
They rarely argue. Having children far apart means that they will have two totally different interests. The likelihood of them having a real argument is rare. Sure, they get on each other’s nerves, but I would assume that’s the same with all siblings. They don’t fight over toys, my attention, or who’s going to get the yellow cup. Hallejuah because this mama ain’t got the patience for that!
The oldest is more independent. My daughter is pretty much self-sufficient when it comes to most things. She can bath herself, clean her room, help around the house, entertain herself, hang out with her friends and even make small meals & snacks. This was such a life-saver, especially when caring for a newborn who needed my constant attention.
The youngest looks up to the oldest. My son watches his big sister with pure amazement in everything she does. He wants to be just like her! She loves it and takes pride in teaching him things. This has also helped him progress a lot faster because he’s always trying to keep up with big sis!
You save on daycare expenses. Daycare these days cost more than an arm and a leg! I can’t imagine having to pay for two or more at the same time. NO THANK YOU. One daycare expense is enough for me.
You get a break! The good Lord knew what He was doing when He spaced my pregnancies out. I’m one of those mamas who actually did not enjoy being pregnant! I had severe nausea during both so I’m so grateful that I had a long break in between. (But props to you mamas that can rock back to back pregnancies – y’all are the real MVPs).
Bottom line – pay no attention to the naysayers when they give you crazy looks or tell you that you’re crazy for having children far apart. Despite my worries and what others told me, my children have a strong connection and truly adore each other. There is no right or wrong way to have a family and siblings are blessing no matter the age difference!
I am nearly seven years older than my brother. It was tough at times, and holy cow did we fight growing up, but we’ve ended up incredibly close. I definitely agree with you on how nice it is *would be* to have that older assistant, but I will say my oldest (3.5) is quite the helper with the twins (2). And I have one twin that is practically my personal assistant – talk about amazing! Either way you do it has benefits, and I certainly wouldn’t discourage anybody from “starting over again” with such a large age gap.
My kids are 4 years apart and I’m so glad they are.
My niece is 12 and my nephew is 5 and everything about their age difference is lovely – all the points you made, and then some!