When Mark, aka hubs, and I first got married one of our goals was to explore the world together. We LOVED to travel and still do. It was our time to take on new adventures together and we always felt a deeper connection when traveling and upon returning. So, when we decided to have kids my biggest apprehension was how it would affect “our” time—don’t get me wrong, I wanted to be a mom, but I was worried that I would focus so heavily on my career and being a mom that I might look up one day when my kid went to college and not know how to just be a couple again. I see a huge opportunity once my kids move out (which they will!) for the hubs and me to explore the world together again.
THE PACT:
As we embarked on the world of parenthood we made a pact that no matter what, we would travel just the two of us at least once a year. It’s an easy pact to make before kids (as I’ve learned) but one we’ve kept up for the last seven years. On a separate note, I find it so much fun and fulfilling as a parent to take my kids traveling as well, but we can talk about that in a separate post
THE FIRST TRIP:
When Ben (our first child) was turning one, we were given an opportunity to go to a good friends’ wedding in Hawaii. We contemplated bringing my mom and the baby on the trip but then we decided this was going to be it—our first trip as a couple without my hip soldier—YIKES!!
I felt so much guilt buying our tickets but half of that guilt was because I was excited—it’s funny as a working mom I had traveled for work, and although it made me sad to leave, I didn’t have as much guilt because I felt it was a necessary part of my job—a job a really liked. However, when the choice was mine—not a necessity—the guilt came in a big swell—along with comments from other mothers.
“You’re going to leave your 1-year-old, for how long?”
“Wow—Hawaii is so far away”
“You’re brave. . . I would never leave my 1-year-old”
I second guessed myself a lot–how do I leave that adorable face behind? But my husband and I hadn’t had any time to just be us again—yes, we’d gone on dates, but we needed our time again and it was the best thing we could have done.
My MIL is beyond capable of caring for a 1-year-old, and if you asked her, possibly better than I am. My guy was going to get treated like a king and create a stronger bond with his grandparents—no harm there.
WHAT WE LEARNED–ITS ALL GOOD!!
Ben is now seven and we’ve taken a trip every year—sometimes for one night and sometimes longer and I don’t regret any one of them. It has made my kids (we have two now) stronger mentally in so many ways.
I learned, which was hard for me to see at first, that the kids need my love but they don’t need me every minute of the day—SAY WHAT!?! Craziness I know, but the happier I am and the better the relationship between the hubs and me, the happier they are. When we return from a trip hubs and I are rejuvenated—ready to dive back into active parenthood and work—absence does make the heart grow fonder and we appreciate those little faces even more and all their activities don’t seem like chores anymore.
So, this year hubs took me to Singapore and Bali for my 40th birthday—Yes it was AMAZING!!! We couldn’t have gone farther away, but with technology we weren’t that far to them—we did facetime once a day and when we left for the airport there wasn’t a tear from anyone, just hugs, kisses and lots of I love yous.
The benefits we see in our kids have been completely unintentional, but wonderful just the same. We’ve seen our kids be more self-reliant which is great—my ego wants to say they always need me—my rational side tells me that they don’t and it’s good that they don’t. They are more adaptable to situations, can roll with the “punches” easier, and have more confidence in themselves. Plus they have wonderful relationships with all the family members who have watched them over the years—WIN—WIN in my book.
On top of all of that, I feel like I have a wonderfully close relationship with the hubs that doesn’t always revolve around our kids. I know when we’re empty nesters we’ll be able to fall right back into our couple-dom and one day I am going to be that Grandma who gets to have her grandkids for a week and I’m going to spoil them rotten!
It’s so easy to get sucked into the mom-guilt when doing something fun WITHOUT the kids. I think it is so important to keep that husband-wife time separate.
I read somewhere that the number one person in the family, above your kids, should be your spouse. I know that I have forgotten that sometimes – but try to remember that I need to show my kids how to be a good mother, but also how to be in a successful relationship.
Good for you!!
So important to spend time with the hubby! Sign me up! : )
Bravo! I think it’s especially smart that you guys get away to places where you can fully disconnect. Especially in the thick of the younger years with kids, completely escaping can sometimes be the only way to truly recharge your batteries individually and as a couple.
Thanks! Jennifer, I heard the same thing during my husband and my pre-marital counseling and it really stuck. We were told that above all we are making the choice to say we are the most important person/thing in each others’ lives–above the kids that will come and the families we were coming from. It is very true because the better we are together the better we tackle anything that comes our way including parenting. We’ve kept our pact for 8 years–it’s not always easy but it’s so worth it!