Ah, Motherhood (Mood Subject to Change Without Notice)

You know those moments where you look at your child and your heart is so full of love, it feels like it may actually burst? I had one of those moments the other day. When I picked up my four-year-old from daycare I was laughing at our conversation and thinking about how much joy he brings me. I became overcome with emotion for this sweet, funny little person. 

I was also thinking about my Mom, who passed away five years before my little one came along. Thinking about how much she would adore this boy. She loved all of her grandchildren so much and left us way too soon. She would be crazy about this little character with the curly hair and the round cheeks and the big brown eyes. I’m positive that she would make regular trips from Florida visit all of us.  

And I cried. 

I cried for the little boy who will never know my Mom. For the moments she missed with her other grandchildren. I cried at how much I love this boy, his brother, his sister, and how much of a blessing they’ve been to me. I cried about how much my Mom would want to be involved in their lives. 

At dinner that night I was telling my husband about the drive home and, of course, I cried again. My heart was so full of love and longing. (I swear, it wasn’t PMS-related emotions.) 

*sigh* 

That night my son wouldn’t or couldn’t sleep. He was up every two hours and I was so. freaking. annoyed. 

Heart-bursting-loving-feeling? Gone. My exhausted brain couldn’t even remember it. 

My mood went from “I-love-this-child-more-than-oxygen” to “if-you-don’t-go-to-sleep-so-help-me” in a few short hours. 

Ah, motherhood.