Wife. Mother. Daughter. Friend. Sister. As women we can have so many titles.
Business woman. Carpool driver. Caretaker. Head of the Household. Organizer. Just like the titles we are given, our expected “roles” feel endless.
With all these identities circling around us, we can often feel lost. We struggle to find our own identity in the midst of it all. Others tell us what our identity should be rather than allowing us to name it ourselves. When this happens, we feel like we can’t fulfill any of the identities completely and that we will always be falling short in someone’s eyes.
You’re not alone in feeling this way. All people struggle with finding their true identity in a world that can be quick to define it for us—women especially. Mothers, even more.
So, what gives us identity? Where do we find it? There isn’t an exact formula that I can prescribe and then magically we know ourselves and feel whole. But I believe there are a few key pieces that can get you heading in the right direction:
- Re-discover what brings you joy. Life is full of joy, but sometimes it’s hard to find it when we are feeling overwhelmed by the reality of obligations. When was the last time you really thought about what brings you joy? Perhaps it’s something you used to do that you haven’t created time for recently – gardening, painting, a Bible study, or a walk in nature. Try thinking back to activities that you have done in your life that bring a smile to your face. That’s a good place to start to explore what might bring you joy now.
- Remember what you value. When was the last time you paused and thought about what was important to YOU? Not what everyone else deemed important and valuable. For some people, it is taking time away from reality by taking a family vacation. For others, it is finding creative outlets for expression. And for others, it might mean working in a business setting. These things help us see how we feel successful and valuable. What you value isn’t what the person next to you values. Success is different for everyone and to feel successful looks different too.
- Stop keeping up with the Jones’. The more Pinterest boards, perfectly staged Instagram feeds, and fabulous Facebook adventures we see can make us feel like we’re falling short of an ideal. But whose ideal is that? Maybe it is yours. But it might not be. Comparing ourselves to others will often lead us further from our own personal identities.
- Be open to change. We have been taught to be a certain way. In reality, our most authentic self is fluid. We can change from day-to-day and even year-to-year. We have different aspects of ourselves that shine around different people. This doesn’t mean we aren’t being true to ourselves if we show unique pieces of ourselves depending on the setting. Our “mother self” isn’t the same as our “friend self” or our “business self.” Sometimes we are harder or softer around the edges based on the circumstance. Sometimes we have altered boundaries or self-disclosure depending on the day. And that’s okay.
In the end, embrace who you were created to be. That will continue to change and you may still be discovering it. Welcome to the party. We’re all trying to figure out our identities in the changing seasons of our lives. If that means being a mother-friend-caretaker-business woman one day and being a wife-organizer-adventurer another day, then do that. Overall, be you and love you. Cheers to all of us trying to figure it out.
This post is written by Rev. Lindsay Geist, MDiv, MSW, LCSW of Seeds of Hope Counseling. Lindsay offers individual and group counseling that can help you gain fresh perspectives and break free from routine thinking and actions. Explore new coping skills to address challenges ranging from simply “feeling stuck” to anxiety, depression, addiction, and relationship issues. To schedule a session, contact Lindsay at (678) 310-9593 or [email protected]. For weekly inspiration and words of encouragement, follow Lindsay on Facebook and Instagram.
