Writer’s block is a real thing, and I’ve been experiencing it big time. Trying to come up with a blog post about being a mom should be easy, right? But I have been so distracted lately. I’ve been flaking on appointments. Forgetting things on my to-do list. Yesterday, I surfed through 75 pages of red pillow options for my back porch. This is not a productive use of time. Yet, I haven’t been able to pull myself out of this rut.
I can trace these mental lapses back to many things. First and foremost, our country has been brought to its knees by the unrelenting gun violence in our schools and other places that are supposed to be safe. The fear that our children might be the next victims is real in every mother’s heart. It is a dull, helpless ache, that does not go away, no matter what you do.
As I have written before, I am also in denial about my daughter graduating high school and moving away to college. Every week brings something new. Grad announcements delivery, party planning, paying deposits, and setting up orientations. Mindlessly sorting through hundreds of red porch pillows helps me avoid thinking about it.
Meanwhile, in my professional life, I recently learned that my primary client is planning to phase me out. This is going to be a big change to my daily routine and my income, and I don’t have a clue what to do next.
I was thinking about all these things this morning as I let the dogs out in the backyard to go to the bathroom. There was a lawn guy in my neighbor’s yard making a lot of noise, and my puppy was scared. So, I sat on the deck steps to reassure him that it was ok to poop.
At that moment, I felt peace wash over me. The sun was out, it was warm but not too much so, and a light breeze came through. I sat there, just allowing the feeling to wash over me. And I thought about how rarely I feel this way. I resolved to brainstorm ways to bottle this energy as I went back to my computer.
About 20 minutes later, I returned to the kitchen and realized I had left the back door open. There, sitting out in the sun and wind in her little kingdom was my grandma dog, Sadie. Normally, after I let the dogs out, I call them back in, close the door. Sadie goes straight to the sofa where she spends her days. But because I left the door open today, she lingered awhile, finding a comfy spot to enjoy the world in a different way.
It was lovely – and it gave me a thought. Leave the door open.
Leave it open to the hope that our world will reverse course, especially if we are part of the drive towards change.
Leave it open to your children growing up and moving on, especially if we are growing up and moving on with them.
Leave it open to new opportunities, especially if we are willing to keep our eyes open and maybe take a risk or two.
Leave it open to remind ourselves that there is always a lesson to be learned, always hope for tomorrow to be better, especially if we are willing to receive something that we didn’t know was missing.