Don’t forget to tip your server, I think for the millionth time today. Whether my son needs more milk, or my daughter can’t find one of her teeny tiny stuffed animals (we are single-handedly keeping the Beanie Baby Company in the black), I feel as if I went wrong somewhere. Has my basic need to nurture and take care of my family taught my kids that they can simply demand instead of doing for themselves? Is it too late to make a change?
As a child, my Saturday mornings consisted of grabbing a Pop-Tart or cereal and watching cartoons. Occasionally my Dad would whip up some Hungry Jack pancakes. Now, my daughter wants to make “food art” out of every meal. I end up making three different meals because everyone is so picky. I constantly worry whether or not my son (who is naturally thin) has had enough calories for the day. All this worrying makes me more inclined to “nurture.”
When I say “get it yourself,” an extraordinary amount of whining ensues. Then I realize from the moment my kids were born, I have been waiting on them hand and foot. This is fine, even necessary when they’re an infant, but now at four and five years old, it’s only putting them at a disadvantage. I want my children to have the confidence and self-worth that comes with independence. I feel as if this life lesson for my kids begins now.
So, how do I silence that inner voice that says they need me all the time? Maybe as mothers, we get so used to being needed that we don’t know how to shut it off. In the same breath, I so desperately want to shut it off. I believe the answer is patience. It takes patience to wait as it takes your child twice as long to complete a simple task. It takes patience to listen to your child whine or cry after you refused to do something you know they can do on their own.
All this patience pays off when my son or daughter jump up and down with pride in their eyes and says “I did it!” So, as I sip my bourbon with my feet stretched out on the couch, and my son asks for more milk, I hear myself telling him to drag the stool in front of the fridge so he can get it himself. I will get the hang of this.
