How to Talk to Children about School Shootings

When I was young, school was my safe place. It was filled with learning and fun. I never worried about  someone with a gun, whether it was a student, parent or former employee, inflicting harm or killing anyone. My main concern was getting good grades and going to college not whether I lived or not. Now, it seems that nowhere is safe from a mass shooting. They happen in movie theaters, malls, churches and schools. 

The latest one happened February 14, in Broward County, Florida. Seventeen students and faculty were killed and 16 injured or wounded at Majorie Stoneman Douglas High School. The shooter was a disgruntled student who got expelled. It is the second worst school shooting in U.S. history. Sandy Hook being the first. 

How do we as parents address this with our children? Especially those who are in elementary school? I have a 7-year-old daughter and a 3-year-old son who both attend public schools. It is a fear I have every day. I don’t want them to be anxious or afraid to leave our home. I don’t want to be either. When I was pregnant with my firstborn child, seven years ago, I never thought I would have to discuss things like this with her.

Here is how I talk with my 7-year-old about school shootings. 

1. I am honest with her on her age level. I tell her there are bad people in this world who set out to harm others. Sometimes innocent people are hurt or killed. That we can only do the best we can to make the world a better place by being a friend to others. I comfort her and validate her feelings. I answer her questions the best I can. If I don’t have an answer, I tell her. I let her know I’m concerned too and it is scary that this could happen to anyone, anywhere. I let her know it is okay to be scared.   I emphasize that even though bad things can happen, we can live our lives and be happy. 
2. I discuss a safety plan with her. I created a safety plan for if the house is on fire, home invasion or if we are out and there is a shooting that is occurring. I tell her to follow the teacher’s lead if she’s at school and something is happening. I teach her to obey the teacher 100%. I found that after Sandy Hook I wanted her and I both to be prepared. I don’t think one can ever be fully prepared for tragedies like this. I know for us, it helps me with not being anxious. I tell her to hide, if she can, not make a noise and act dead.
3. I don’t have the news on. I do not mind that she is aware of the tragedy. The news is not appropriate for her to watch. It’s a constant retelling of the incident. This would only lead to her feeling more anxious and afraid. It’s even too much for me.
4. I also talk to other moms and see how they are talking with their children. It helps to know I’m not alone in my concerns and fears on how to talk to my child. Together we can come up with a game plan to discuss scary subjects like this.  

It’s horrible events like this happen and it’s  impossible to predict when another tragedy could occur. I hate that I have to fear for my children’s safety. I know for me talking about the shooting and other tragedies can help my daughter and I not be so anxious.